Most of You Probably Die

Thorgrim's Sea Shanty

I once met a lass so fine.
She was drunk on barley wine.
I'd been to sea,
for months a-three.
I knew I could make her mine.
And the lass was past consent,
So it was off with her we went.
And we threw her in bed
and rested her head
And we left, 'cause that's what gentlemen do.

A woman has a right to a drink or two,
Without worrying about what you will do.
We say "Yo, ho!" but we don't say "ho,"
'Cause "ho" is disrespectful, yo!

There once was a girl from Leeds,
Who I heard was good on her knees.
So I docked my ship
for an overnight trip,
To take care of all of my needs.
She was fine as the tales did tell,
And my mast began to swell!
So I laid her down
and raised her gown,
And performed cunnilingus for an hour or so.

Always take care of your lady fair.
'Cause they deserve as much attention down there
We say "Yo, ho!" but we don't say "ho,"
'Cause "ho" is disrespectful, yo!

I once had a woman so fair.
Whose womb contained my heir.
With a son by my side,
the seas we'd ride,
The child she would bear.
But my girl, she was no fool.
She was working her way through school.
So I did support
when she chose to abort,
Because it's her body and therefore her choice.

No, we don't say "booty" 'less we're talking about gold.
We don't look at chests 'less it, treasure holds.
With a hat and a feather and a cutlass on our hip,
We will never say "she" when we're talking 'bout a ship.
We don't say "bitch" and we don't say "whore,"
'Cause that language leads to things like body dysmorphia.

There was a lady with a golden eye,
And the doctor said she would die.
So she emptied her purse
to lift the curse,
And prayed to stay alive.
She awoke the very next day,
Hand in her grave she lay.
But the scariest part
of the story from the start,
Is I bet you assume the doctor was a man

Women are doctors, too!
And for a fraction of the doubloons.
We say "Yo, ho!" but we don't say "ho,"
'Cause "ho" is disrespectful, yo!

Comments

what the phaq

Thorgrim's Sea Shanty
 

this is actually beautiful

Thorgrim's Sea Shanty
Trash_Trap

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